In Which No one is the FBI - An Avengers Supernatural One-shot
by Emzorz
Summary: Sam and Dean are on the hunt. Or at least that's what they thought until Agents Coulson and Romanoff appear and tell them things aren't quite going as they expected.
1. Chapter 1

A rattled whir came from the air-conditioning unit, a grim reminder of the poor state of their motel room. Sam hoped the noise would stop before he wanted to sleep, otherwise he'd have to take it apart himself to fix the problem. It wasn't just the rattle either, the air pumping inside was barely colder than the air outside and with two people and a laptop in a tiny space, things were quickly becoming uncomfortable.

Sam downed half a bottle of water then carried on with his salad, a polar opposite to Dean who was on his usual diet of booze and burgers. And yet as always it was Dean who had somehow found a reason to pull an expression of mild distaste.

"You know if you keep eating that stuff you're gonna get weak," said Dean, lifting up his feet to lean them on the edge of the table.

Sam paused for a second to glare back at him. "That's not how it works Dean."

"Of course it is. You need meat to make meat." Dean flexed an arm and slapped his bicep. "You keep eating leaves and those are gonna whither away." He waved a finger to the tops of Sam's arms.

Sam shook his head and his eyes drifted back to the laptop screen. He was trying to piece together events described in newspaper and website articles as well as the evidence they had found themselves. They had been hunting what they thought was a werewolf for several days only for the trail to go cold.

As days had passed without so much as a hint of anything, they decided to try and pre-empt the creature's next move. There was a farm a few miles out from the town they had ended up at and they had headed in its direction. On arrival they discovered the farm grew cabbages and there wasn't a single animal in sight.

So they moved on again to a small town with a dairy farm nearby and waited for the werewolf to come to them. Large animals were typically the first to be attacked when a werewolf was on the prowl. There was just one problem.

"I'm still not convinced this one's a werewolf," said Sam.

"Look, if it barks like a dog and looks like a dog then it's probably a dog. There was a dead animal with its heart missing, sounds like a werewolf to me."

Dean straightened out the magazine in his hand and titled his head.

"That could be a coincidence. Most of the carcass had been eaten anyway. And what about the moon? It was days away from full moon when it first attacked. We've never seen a werewolf turn so early in the lunar cycle before."

"Well it wouldn't be the first time something's surprised us would it?"

A knock interrupted their conversation and each brother glared at the other. Sam dropped his fork and stepped carefully towards the door. He looked through the peephole to see a man and woman in uniform. Sam looked to Dean, giving him a silent "Stay cautious" signal. Dean nodded and Sam opened the door.

The man gave him a friendly smile while the red-haired woman standing next to him held a blank expression. The man was shorter than Dean and the woman was even shorter still. They pulled FBI badges from within pockets and thrust them towards Sam and Dean.

"Coulson and Romanoff. We want to ask you a few questions if that's okay?"

Coulson's tone was light yet managed to hold a feeling of authority.

Dean leaned through the doorway, holding his gun past the door frame, out of their line of sight. He narrowed his eyes as he inspected the badges. As he read, his mouth tightened at the edges.

"We don't have to answer to anyone with fake IDs. You're not FBI, who are you?"

"And you would know a fake badge if you saw it wouldn't you?" Coulson looked from one brother to the other, his positive demeanour unbroken, despite the accusation he made. "We're still Coulson and Romanoff and we are agents, just not of the FBI."

"Agents of who?" asked Sam.

Coulson wafted the question with a single hand. "Eh, it's complicated. Can we still talk?"

"Are you hunters?"

"Do you want us to be?" asked Romanoff, raising an eyebrow.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes shut. "All right, whatever agents, I think you better go."

Before Sam had time to react, Romanoff strode forwards, as if hoping to force her way through. Dean started to lift his arm, to ready his gun but the agent knew it was there. Romanoff grabbed his wrist and swiped his nose with her elbow. He stumbled back and she entered the room.

Sam moved as if to intervene and Coulson placed a firm hand on his arm. He shook his head and said, "I wouldn't."

"But you can't just force yourselves in!" Sam complained as Romanoff and Dean continued to grapple.

"I can call a military grade plane to pass by and drop a missile on your Impala out there, so if I were you I'd let us in."

At the mention of the Impala, Dean stopped moving. Romanoff had an arm around his neck and his face was turning red. He held up his hands in a sign of surrender. "Fine we'll talk."

Romanoff unwrapped herself from Dean and stepped away. Coulson walked inside and Sam shut the door behind him. Who on earth were these people? They didn't carry themselves like hunters, they seemed like they were from some sort of official agency but held on to fake FBI badges.

Coulson made himself comfortable in a stained motel chair while his partner stayed standing. Dean moved to sit on a bed close to Sam while he sat back down beside his laptop.

"All right then, what do you want?" Dean smacked and rubbed the back of his neck as if to get the kinks out of it, left by Romanoff.

"We're hunting a creature." Romanoff spoke for the first time. She folded her arms and stood with her legs apart. "So far its only hurt animals and property but we need to stop it before it moves on to humans."

Sam narrowed his eyes at the two agents. "Did this thing kill a cow a few days back?" Romanoff nodded. "Then I think we might be hunting the same thing." Sam's jumped at any opportunity to appear to be on their side. Working together with them would be a far better option than fighting someone with a speed-dial to military aircraft.

"And did you know this creature is following you?" Coulson asked simply, a vague smile still on his lips.

Dean looked as if he had just been insulted. "Following us? No, you got it wrong. We were tracking it and then we decided to get ahead of it so we could catch it in the act. Why else would we park our butts somewhere that smells like manure?"

"That would explain your actions but the creature _is _following you." Romanoff pointed out. "Everywhere you've passed through in the past few days, the creature left a trail of its own. Nothing so big that it make the news, but we've spoken to enough witnesses and seen enough camera footage to know we're right."

"So what now?" asked Sam. He ignored Dean's glares, naturally his brother would prefer they continued the hunt alone.

Coulson grasped his hands together between his knees. "How do you feel about being bait?"


	2. Chapter 2

The unmarked black car led the way as Dean drove close behind. The group had agreed that the monster appeared to be more active at night and so they had waited a couple of hours before heading outside.

In that time they had gone to grab some food at a diner and proceeded to have what had started out as an awkward meal. The pair of agents wouldn't reveal much of what they actually did but they certainly seemed to know a lot about Sam and Dean.

"I've never known people to be so nonchalant when discussing vamps who weren't hunters," said Sam as he stared out of the passenger window.

"You're kidding me right?" Dean seemed to have made up his mind, but about what, Sam wasn't sure. "Those two are hunters, they're just some extra crazy people who decided they liked the FBI act a little too much. There's no way they actually have the power to drop freakin' missiles on my car."

"I wouldn't be so sure Dean. I mean, we didn't hear about the Men of Letters for years. Who's to say there isn't some government agency we don't know about? And it doesn't sound like hunting monsters is really their thing."

"If it's not their thing then what is?" Dean asked the question but his tone revealed that his original opinion wouldn't be easily swayed.

"I don't know, but Coulson mentioned something about a green man and a super soldier. It's crazy, but I don't know if it's our level of crazy."

"You are making zero sense."

"Never mind," said Sam, desondent. "Just keep driving."

The agents drove away from the towns and out into the country. They took a right turn off a dirt track and started driving across muddied grass, heading towards a wooded area. Their car slowed to a stop several feet from the trees and Dean parked the Impala beside it.

Everyone got out of their respective vehicles and moved to the back to gather the required equipment. "So what's your plan then?" Dean asked Coulson.

"You two stand and wait for the creature while we stand ready to trap it." Dean and Sam stared at the man, half-expecting there to be more. "I was hoping I would think of something smarter than that but nothing came to mind." He shrugged.

Almost simultaneously Sam and Romanoff opened hidden storage within the trunks and revealed a masses of equipment. Each party snooped at the other, curious to see what each one had.

In the Winchester car, were rifles, shotgun and handguns. And that was the normal stuff. Arranged around those were rosemary beads, flasks of holy water, specialist knives and blades, matches and a cannister of gasoline.

The agents already had pistols strapped to their waists in holsters and the only gun in their car was unlike anything the Winchesters had ever seen. It was extremely large and black except for a strip of panels on either side that lit up with a soft orange glow once Coulson turned it on. Also in the car were various gadgets and contraptions, all things the brothers failed to recognise.

"And I thought we were packing some strange things," said Dean. Coulson smiled at him and turned the gun off. He replaced it with something of a similar size except it had a narrow front and a bulky back. It was designed to be held with two hands and looked dangerously like a greande launcher.

"I think we'll try non-lethal tactics first," said Coulson.

"That's non-lethal?" Sam questioned, pointing at the thing in Coulson's arms.

"It's not as mean as it looks," the agent explained. "Now you two go stand over there." He nodded them to walk in direction that was parralel to the tree line.

They walked away, Sam with a pistol in his hand and Dean with a knife in his. They stopped once Romanoff gave them the signal. "This is so stupid," Dean complained. "I'm still not convinced this things following us, it makes no sense. And if it does show up, how is this a good trap? We're in the middle of a field next to some trees, when you trap a monster you've got to corner the thing."

"It's not about that," Romanoff spoke up. "It's about coaxing the creature out into the open. The trees will make it feel safe enough until it get the courage to come out into the open."

"And then we let our equipment do the rest." Coulson lifted his contraption as if to demonstrate.

The group waited in the dark and cold for what felt like an age. Sam attempted to find the best spot to stand, one that wasn't too muddy and would offer solid ground, should he need to move quickly. Dean shifted his weight from one leg and back onto the other, unable to stand still.

A short distance away Romanoff leaned aginst their car while she stared in to the trees. Coulson had a pair of binoculars out and scanned the surrounding fields, seeing if he could catch a glimpse of the thing.

It was well over an hour before Romanoff spotted something. A large shape was moving slowly through the wood. The others hadn't seen it until there was the sound of a branch breaking and then all eyes were fixed in the same direction.

Then. It moved.

The creature came bursting out of the trees, sending shattered tree branches, leaves and dirt flying everywhere. It was bigger than a car and ran with a strange gait. It was built like a rhino except it was covered in grey scales and had a pair of large pale antlers.

The Winchesters stood their ground for as long as they dared, crouching in preparation to dodge out of the way. Even if the creature didn't attack, it could easily trample them to death.

Romanoff unclipped a pair of metal discs from her belt and flung them into the creature's path. Bolts of electricity shot up from the ground and the creature reared. It made a noisy and deep scream. A few seconds of it and the discs were spent. The thing shook its head and glared at Romanoff.

It slowly turned its bulk and began stalking the agents. Now Sam could see why it ran in such a strange way for the creature had third pair of legs. He scanned his mind for any potential information on the beast but came up with nothing. Much like the agents themselves, this was an unknown.

Coulson stayed put but called to them. "This won't work at this angle, we need it to come after you."

On hearing this Dean started yelling and shouting, waving his arms in the air. "Hey, you! You ugly son of..." He had run up behind the beast but was cut short as its tail swiped his feet from under him. He landed on his back and Sam heard painful groan.

With Dean's attempt failed, it was Sam's turn. He cocked his pistol and shot a round into the air. The creature made grunting sound and looked back. The second it spotted Sam it changed direction and began its awkward run all over again.

Sam could hear Dean's yells as all 6 of the creatures legs missed Dean by what seemed like inches. A couple more bounds and it would be on top of Sam. There was a whine followed by a mettalic cracking noise and hundreds of tiny cables wound around the creatures antlers and over its back, to connect together under the belly.

There was a heavy thud as a weight dropped out of the back of Coulson's "gun" and clamped itself to the ground. The main cable between gun and beast grew taught and it fell to the floor. Sam blinked away his fears. If he reached out and leaned forward he could touch the creature's nose.

Coulson let go of his netting gun, leaving it hanging between weighted clamp and cable. Romanoff ran forward to check on Dean and help him to his feet.

As they made their way over Sam noticed that the creature had started to strain at its constraints, as if trying to get closer to him.

"What is that thing? Do you recognise it?" asked Dean, patting himself down.

Coulson who had come closer to the creature was frowning. "I haven't seen one. But it sort of matches the description of something someone once mentioned."

"Alien?" enquired Romanoff, as if it was a very ordinary explanation.

"Sort of. I think it's..." Coulson left his sentence hanging when the creature stuck its tongue out and managed to give Sam a very big lick.

"Friendly." said Romanoff.

"I think it's something called a Bilgesnipe." Coulson finished. The Bilgesnipe started snuffling and whining. "And it likes Sam for some reason. Maybe it just wanted to get close to him? It might not even be that aggressive."

"Wait, are you saying that thing wasn't in attack mode," Dean pointed at it with a confused expression. "But it was just trying to give Sam a hug?"

Romanoff shrugged and nodded. "Seems plausible."

Their conversation was interrupted when they noticed rumbles in the sky and a familiar swirling of clouds. A column of light hit the ground a short distance away with a mighty cracking sound.

"Thor?" asked Romanoff.

The light dissipated to reveal a circle of singed grass. Stood at the centre was a man in a red cape, golden helmet and heavy armour. His blonde hair was to his shoulders, his muscles were thick and he carried a hammer.

Coulson and Romanoff walked away to go and greet him. "You think they know him?" asked Dean.

"They said 'Thor'" Sam pointed out. "You really think that's him?"

"Son of Coul, my dear friend Natasha, it is good to see you both." His deep voice carried far. Thor clapped both of them on the shoulder in a friendly gesture and they walked back to the captured bilgesnipe.

"I must apologise for this. I have not been in Asgard for some time and on my return Heimdall warned me that my bilgesnipe was causing mischief. He explained that it had gone looking for me in Midgard." He patted the creature on the head and it responded instantly. It whined and snuffled and even wagged its tail.

"Well it's been following these two," Romanoff explained. "Although we now believe it was just trying to get to Sam." She gestured to Sam.

Thor stepped towards them and offered them a short bow. "It is good to meet you. My apologies for what has happened."

Sam's eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open in amazement. "That's okay, no one got hurt except for the cow." Thor gave him a nod in gratitude and began snapping the cables that wrapped around the creature.

"Woah, what are you going to do with it?" Dean held his hands up, worried for what might happen once the creature was loose again.

"Do not worry, I will take it back to Asgard." Thor pointed to the sky.

"I'm curious, do you know why it might have been following me?" Sam moved to the other side of the bilgesnipe, attempting to help Thor, undo the cables. It quickly became apparent that Thor had been making it look far easier than it was. He snapped them with ease while Sam could barely make the budge.

"I know why," said Romanoff with a smug smirk. She eyed Thor and Sam as if to compare the two. "It thought it had found Thor."

...

Author's Note: I'm not quite as pleased with this as I was with my Iron Man/ Doctor Who One-shot but I just thought the idea of a large animal mistaking Sam for Thor was too cute to pass up.

And apologies if it's a bit rough around the edges, as a nano project it's not quite as polished as it would be normally. But I hope you had fun anyway!

This story has been part of my camp nanowrimo project. #EmzorzNano


End file.
